We felt the same way. Therefore, as a public service to regular folks who appreciate lofty grammatical ideas such as punctuation and spelling, we thought we'd translate some of the more outlandish comments into standard English. We should also point out that in many cases, we just had to guess. And no, we didn't make any of them up; they are all pasted verbatim. Seriously.
Also, a special thanks goes out to Sheila for fixing some of our typos. Thanks!
Subject: Slipknot is Emo?
o, gawd...ya dont kno how retarded you ar do you!!??haha...emo...maybe tats wat you ar and tats why yur sayin tat...yur jus tryin to deny it huh!? im surprised you even kno the word 2000!!! haha!!! n00b!!! SLIPKNOT PWNZ and MAGGOT 4 LIFE!!!!!!
What We Think They Meant:
With all due respect, good sir, I must hereby declare your statement to be highly objectionable. In fact, your comment causes me to speculate whetheryou are afflicted with a learning disability so severe that it prevents you from fully comprehending your diminished mental capacity. I further theorize that you could be described to by today's youth as "emo", and by calling out others as such, I have concluded that you are in denial about this "emo" lifestyle, subject to the cultural stigmas and stereotypes associated therewith. I also believe you to be several years my junior and have little memory of the year 2000, which implies a sexual and cultural immaturity on your part. Newcomers to this website are often subject to ridicule and mockery because of their unfamiliarity with the it, an unfamiliarity I find to be intensely amusing. Lastly, I would like to state that I am a fan of the rock band Slipknot. I hereby pledge my support to this band – a band that endearingly refers to its fans as "maggots" --for the rest of my days. The words I have written above are to be conveyed with great enthusiasm and vigor.
Subject: Miley Cyrus
wel sed. u dont ave 2 answer or owt but i just wna say i totally agree wiv u. every1 is so mean bout her wen she asnt actually dun anyfin 2 hurt YOU! so y dont u just leave her alone if u dont like then dont bother wacthn the videos. duh. peace x
What We Think They Meant:
Even though I do not expect a return of correspondence, I must heartily concur with what you have said. Furthermore, I would like to commend you on both the veracity of your statement and your well-crafted phrasing. Capital effort, indeed. I, too, am thoroughly and continually puzzled by the resentment that some parts of our society (although sometimes it feels like the whole of the world) directs toward Ms. Cyrus, especially considering that she has done nothing personally to impede anyone, at least to the best of my knowledge. If certain people find Ms. Cyrus to be distasteful, then I believe their efforts would be better spent viewing sites they actually find enjoyable, rather than subjecting themselves to content they do not care for. It befuddles me to think that someone would endeavor to waste their time on something that angers him/her so. I would also like to take this opportunity to convey a universal message of peace and love.
Subject: Xbox 360 Overheating Issue:
hmmmmm 360 sucks balls. Ps3 is the best. I wish we could join networks to play eachother online so ps3 would own. Oh but w8 then we would need 2 pay 4 online. 0WN3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good luck with ur red rings of death noobs
What We Think They Meant:
Isn't this interesting? I find that, while Microsoft's XBox 360 continually has hardware problems, Sony's PlayStation 3 remains stable. I must conclude, based on these findings, that the PlayStation 3 is the superior platform. I say, wouldn't it be a lark if our two gaming networks could connect to one another so that we could compete against one another in some sort of video gaming tournament? I must confess, I think we PlayStation users would really give you XBox folks what for! Of course, then we might incur some sort of network connectivity surcharge. While you XBox users may have grown accustomed to this injustice, we PlayStation owners know of no such charge. To be honest, the thought of incurring a fee simply to play games online confuses and angers most of us. I even suggested this to some friends of mine, and we had quite the chuckle at your expense. I must say adieu, but I wish you all the sincerest wishes of good luck in dealing with your inferior console's infamous hardware problems.
Subject: Twilight (The Movie)
think James and Rosalie are the best casted people !!
Rob/Edward is casted good too , but i think thoose two ^
The rest of them is SOOOOOO Wrong ! Especially emmet & Jacob , Lol ..
And in Dk , it doesn't come till like .. April xD
I'll watch it online , lol x]
anyways , SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXITEDDD !!!!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP PPP !! x3 Rob/Edward is casted good too , but i think thoose two ^
The rest of them is SOOOOOO Wrong ! Especially emmet & Jacob , Lol ..
And in Dk , it doesn't come till like .. April xD
I'll watch it online , lol x]
anyways , SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXITEDDD !!!!!
What We Think They Meant:
I think the characters of the film in question referred to as James and Rosalie are particularly well-cast, and I offer my sincerest congratulations and well-wishes to the agency responsible for recruiting these actors. I also find that the characters known as Rob and Edward are appropriate, although I do not believe in this case that they are up to par with the aforementioned James and Rosalie. However, I believe that the rest of the actors who are featured in this film are highly inappropriate. In my opinion, the actors that will be playing the characters of Emmett and Jacob will do an extremely poor job in portraying the characteristics, tendencies and mannerisms of the characters in the novel. For some reason, I find this poor casting to be amusing, so much so that I am chuckling audibly at the mere thought of it. Furthermore, this film will not be available in Denmark until some time near the month of April, but it brings me much joy and laughter to be able to watch this film on my personal computer using internet-based communications. Regardless of these casting issues and release dates, I would like to convey a remarkably high degree of excitement as I wait in breathless anticipation of this film. It is my opinion that this film will be superb. Perhaps my excitement would be best conveyed by a emitting a high-pitched squeal. However, I am not sure that my excitement would be communicated by one such squeal, but three of them uttered consecutively might begin to express the complete and utter exhilaration I feel when I think of viewing this film.
Subject: Lyrical Content of Songs by the late Notorious B.I.G.
go fuk urself gaz20089
u dont kno shit bout what u have to do to blow up and be a rapper in new york
u dont deserve shit bitch
listen to what he is actually sayin u faggot
u dont kno shit bout what u have to do to blow up and be a rapper in new york
u dont deserve shit bitch
listen to what he is actually sayin u faggot
What We Think They Meant:
This communiqué is directed to the user whose screen name is gaz20089. Sir or madam, I do not care for you in the least, and I think your time would be best spent fondling your genitalia in a sexually arousing manner instead of communicating with others on this web page. Furthermore, I do not believe that you have a repertoire of skills that would enable you to become a successful rap artist in metropolitan New York City. Based on your commentary, I have concluded that you do not deserve even one modicum of success or joy in your life, however long it may be. Returning to the subject of the lyrical abilities of the late rapper the Notorious B.I.G., perhaps if you made more of an effort to listen to the lyrical content of the subject matter, you might interpret a deeper level of understanding with the lyrics:one that transcends what is simply being sung and/or spoken. However, I have sincere doubts that you will make this effort, and this is probably a direct result of your homosexual lifestyle.
Subject: WWF Nostalgia
I never said this waz wwf i just said i miss wwf datz all cant u read?!? hardys dudleys stone cold da tlc matches da hardcore matches wwe sux
What We Think They Meant:
I think you may have, sadly, misunderstood my previous missive. I never intended to claim that this was, in point of fact, the WWF. I was merely pointing out how much I miss the WWF, and nothing more. Perhaps if you were to reread my comments with a little more care than you normally employ, this point would become obvious to you. To expound further upon my love for the WWF, here is a short list of ephemera that exist now only in our collective hearts and minds: The Hardys, The Dudleys, Stone Cold, TLC matches, and Hardcore matches. When you think about it in light of these grave, grave loses, the WWE pales in comparison to the WWF, as I'm sure you would agree.
Subject: Kobe Bryant
ivangarcia u sound like a dumb fuck. Noone plys D in Allstar gm Idiots. Wat gm have u seen where EVERYBODY SCORED 31 POINTS U FUCKIN IDIOT. U R THE DUMBEST BASTARD EVER. KOBE NEVER WON FINALS MVP CUZ HE NEVER WAS THE MAN ON THAT LAKERS CHAMP TEAM IDIOT. Wade (hit the floor and Get up)Finals MVP cuz he is the man. Thank Kobe 4 lame Laker team of today. Heat NBA champs.
What We Think They Meant:
With all due respect, ivangarcia, I believe you know not what you say. If you were to consider the facts rationally, you would recognize that, in All Star games at least, defense is not a viable stratagem for any player. I must also take issue with another statement of yours: in what game has every player scored thirty-one points? I can think of none, so I must conclude that you have been found wanting, especially as regards your intellectual capabilities. In fact, you may be the most illinformed gentlemen with whom I've ever had the displeasure of acquaintance. Furthermore, Kobe Bryant was unable to win an MVP designation in the finals because he was never the team's greatest asset. I'm sure you will agree when I say that Dwyane Wade holds that esteemed honor. In fact, I would say that Mr. Bryant is solely responsible for the regrettable condition of the Lakers today. If I were a man given to wagers of chance, I would say that the Miami Heat will most likely find themselves the champions this season.
Subject: The Hills
Im Like Soooooooo Inlove Wit The Hills I Think Its Like Soooooo Awesome... I Like Lauren But I Tink Its Time To Forgive Heidi Yeah Shyt Happenz But I Mean Like Thats Life... You Win Some You Lose Some And They Like? Sooo Were Meant To Beeee Friendz.......
What We Think They Meant:
I would like to take this opportunity to express my profound affection for the television program The Hills, as I find it to be highly enjoyable. While my favorite character on the program is known as Lauren, I also think the character known as Heidi should be forgiven for her misdeeds. I understand that occasionally we are all presented with unforeseen circumstances that are beyond our control, but I believe that happens to most humans at some point in their lives. Some of the time we are able to prevail over these unexpected challenges and sometimes we are not, so we should not fault others if we find their reaction to these challenges to be unsuitable. I would also like to add that these two characters, Heidi and Lauren, were meant to be companions. I was going to express additional thoughts regarding The Hills, but I feel, for some reason, that I should end my commentary mid-thought.
Subject: World of Warcraft
hmmm i like a hybrid arcane and fire. arcane=BIG critz.
fire=MASSIVE dmg. arcane+fire=PAWNING Little hordies :D
i have a horde mage and a ally mage i like ally better but my undead is 80 and my ally is still 70 lolz
fire=MASSIVE dmg. arcane+fire=PAWNING Little hordies :D
i have a horde mage and a ally mage i like ally better but my undead is 80 and my ally is still 70 lolz
What We Think They Meant:
While I can appreciate what you are positing , I still prefer a combination of both arcane and fire magic. Consider this: arcane magic is famous for the frequency of its critical hits, while fire damage is consistently useful for causing a great deal of damage. Put them together and you will be, if you'll forgive the expression, the bee's knees. If fact, I would say that none of the players on the other faction, the Horde, would stand a chance against this combination. I myself have a similarly configured magician, whom I would compare to another magician I have set up for the other faction. Despite that fact that my Horde magician has far more experience, I vastly prefer my(?) character who specializes in arcane and fire magic. Isn't that funny?
Subject: The Jonas Brothers
u would get ambushed by me but ur right i like some of there songs not all they should totally stick to songs like dat or like when u look me in the eyes or burnin up those are my faves but they should make better songs cuz love bug is kinda stupid and i love the jonas brothers trust me comt to my room i have um all over even right beside my pillow so i can fall asllep wit dem but they loosin there magical touch
What We Think They Meant:
While the statement made by the previous user would face harsh criticism from others, including myself, I also happen to agree with his/her thesis. I do not care for many of the recent musical compositions created by the Jonas Brothers, and I believe the group would be better served if the tone and timbre of their music would more closely match some of their older melodies such as "When You Look Me in the Eyes" or "Burnin' Up." Those two musical arrangements happen to be the two I enjoy the most. However, the quality of the song "Love Bug" does not compare favorably with their previous efforts. Lest you wonder, these mild criticisms of the Jonas Brothers do not mean I'm not a fan; in fact, quite the opposite is true. If you were to come to my residence and enter my bedroom, you would find myriad Jonas Brothers' posters and baubles covering nearly every available surface. To further demonstrate my affection of this group, I would like to point out that I keep Jonas Brothers' paraphernalia right next to my pillow. I find it comforting that my last thoughts before I fall asleep at night and my first thoughts in the morning are of this band. Therefore, because a fan such as myself feels that the band's music has lost some of its magical qualities and mystique, it lends more credibility to the argument that the quality Jonas Brothers music has been lacking in recent times.